Confidence is not something you can bottle and buy. If you could, I’d probably be out of a job.
We all might have a slightly different understanding of what confidence is, but for me, confidence means feeling happy within our bodies and minds. I guess if we feel confident, we like who we are inside and out. A feat I have been working on for many years!
Confidence is, unfortunately, not a given to all living creatures. Some people have it, some people don’t and some people have it and then lose it depending on what’s going on in their lives. To feel comfortable enough to be true to myself, without fear of other peoples judgements has been an uphill venture for me overs the years, but I finally feel able to show the world who I am, flaws and all, without too much worry of what other people think or feel about me. The important thing is that, over the years, I’ve started to love me for me… and hopefully my nearest and dearest do too!
Since appearing on ‘The Island with Bear Grylls’ (yes, I’ve dropped that information in again just in case you missed all of the other reminders), I have received so many wonderful supportive messages from complete strangers. Honestly, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. It’s just so wonderful, but I don’t want to become reliant on other people stroking my ego. Relying on other people creates dependency on others and potentially could create an unhealthy relationship, where we rely on other people far too much. Eventually we lose our own opinions and voice, instead we look to other people to decide how we feel and what we think.
Some people may argue confidence can be bought and I understand (to an extent) what they mean, although I don’t endorse it! I love shopping. I see it, I want it and (more often than not) I buy it. So take buying an amazing pair of shoes for example. Imagine buying the most amazing pair of shoes that you so urgently need, as your entire life depends on having those shoes and no others (until the next shopping trip). When the times comes to wearing those wonderful shoes for the first time, I don’t know about you, but for me I feel such a boost in confidence. I feel fantastic! Now, I’m not being ungrateful but often that feeling fades, as time goes by. I become used to the feel and look of those shoes, so I might want to buy another pair, because this pair of shoes just isn’t given me that boost I need anymore.
So, take this analogy. The shoes represent other people and “stuff” that we rely on to make us feel good. My confidence was reliant on the shoes and, over time, the shoes became worn, scuffed and dated. Like the shoes, that feeling of confidence just doesn’t last.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t want to wear lovely clothes, shoes and make-up or surround ourselves with lovely things and people; I love it all, but I feel it’s not healthy to 100% rely on these things. Imagine being shipwrecked without any of these things (and take it from me that this really can happen), you wouldn’t be able to rely on anything but yourself. Because if we don’t feel confident enough in ourselves to be fabulous regardless of wearing make-up and nice clothes, our confidence will go up and down, round and round more than the rides at Blackpool Pleasure Beach.
The lesson of the story is… stop relying on others (beings and things) to keep your confidence up. Learn to live confident!
Stayed tuned to find out some handy tips to help you boost your confidence…